


Sides of My Own

by komadori_le_wizarding1



Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Creeps - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Gen, How Do I Tag, I now have 5 people always in my face, I'm a college kid, Mind Palace, No Smut, Please Don't Hate Me, Set in the future a few years so I can achieve my dreams, Slice of Life, So much angst, Some swearing eventually, Thomas helps me realize I also have sides, but I like to think I can grow up someday, first fic, halp, it's super fluffy, possibility for abilities, possible panic attacks will warn in chapter, what else do I add?, will add in each chapter for other stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-31 03:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12123531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komadori_le_wizarding1/pseuds/komadori_le_wizarding1
Summary: I wanted to make a work based on the Sanders Sides, and I'm just a big dork. It's not the first thing I've ever written, but it's the first ever online. I have a lot of emotions guys, so here comes a hopeful feels train.





	1. It seems they are real.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It's Koma! This will change per chapter or whatever. yeah. This first big chunk has a lot of fluff, but also a pretty big panic attack as well as lot of yelling and past demons personified... Just a warning if you are sensitive then skip to chapter two!

Sides. I finally got to meet mine. I knew they existed, and I had met someone else’s sides. They helped me bring out mine. I have a few sides; Anxiety was actually first, and both of us were surprised at this. Next my creative side not well dressed, actually covered in paint, Roman was appalled. Morality next also dressed kind of like a dad, she automatically started making puns with Patton. Both Moralities get along a little too well. Next someone I wasn’t expecting. My religious side. Thomas apparently doesn’t have one. Then my logical smart side. She seems smaller than the others.

“Is this everybody?” “Um… Yep. Creativity, Hun. Please change I think Roman might die from your mess.” Morality says. “Oh crap I’m still in my work clothes. My bad.” She snaps and is in slightly neater clothes, and my scarf. “Are my writing clothes better?” Roman looks a little calmer. Yes Hun, thank you.” Logic does a quick head count. “Cool.” I look at all the versions of myself. Gosh I’m so expansive. Just creativity alone seems like she could be more sides if she wanted. “So Koma, it looks like they’re all here. Maybe you should say something?” Tomas says. “Yea. Um right.” “Oh come on Hun, there is no need to be nervous with us! We are you after all.” Morality says with a big grin. “Yes I mean we are all you so we know already an approximation of what you’re going to say.” Logic says. “But really we are all new so it’s kind of freaky isn’t it.” Anxiety says. “Also it’s probably weird with me here, so definitely don’t mind me, and also you guys can talk more when it’s just you.” “Cool. No worries. I got this.” “Sure you do. Your hands are shaking.” Anxiety says. “Alright I feel like I’m going to say this a lot so, Anxiety. Shut up.” “Yea seriously do. She is good at whatever she wants, and that means talking to us she’ll do great!” Creativity trying to help. “Oh please you paint covered clod. ‘Unfortunately’ I’m usually a big deal, and you can’t make me go away.” “Oh. Yours is…” Thomas says. “Heightened? Yeah. She kind of sucks. Sucks energy, fun, drive. Yea.” “Worse than Virgil then?” Thomas asks. “Hey I didn’t want to be the bad guy. I blame the others.” Virgil says looking a little hurt. “I know right.” My anxiety says. “Yea. Panic attacks are great. That’s why it took me so long to get here.” “He’s a scary new person in a new place. What if he didn’t like us. What if we wouldn’t have come? He would have thought you were a fake, or just an idiot.” Anxiety says. I feel my hands shaking worse. “Oh shut up. I got over it.” “Took you a while.” “Yeah it did.” I say “Hey Thomas. Thanks for everything today, but I’m exhausted. Work was a bit rough today. Can we continue later?” I ask. “Yea for sure.” He’s understanding that my anxiety is getting to me. “Okay all of you. Um. Go away?” “Rude, but whatever.” Logic says. “We’ll be here when you need us Hun.” Morality says. They sink down much like how Thomas’ do.

"Really thanks for all this.” “No problem. A few tips before you go?” “Sure I feel like I’m going to need all the help I can get.” We sit on his fluffy couch. “So you know how all of mine have proper names. Yours do too, but it will probably take some time for them to tell you. Sure they are part of you, but they’re also parts of a whole lot of stuff, yours seem different from mine. You’re just a super complicated person, we all are. So just make sure to give all of them some one on one time. They like to just hang out, and they’re also going to be a bit shy like you. Especially if there are issues with your life, they just want to help. I feel like you and Anxiety need to talk some stuff out.” Yeah, we still have some problems. I always end up thinking about some bad stuff that happened in my past. It comes up at pretty inconvenient times.” “See that’s a good place to start I’m sure you guys can compromise and work it out.” He says looking positive. “You look like there is something else on your mind Koma, what’s up?” “Well actually I’m surprised I didn’t have another side.” “Really? What would she be?” “I don’t know maybe Fear? Anxiety is just keeping me safe from uncomfortable situations I know. But I remember such pure heart stopping fear, and also rage. I used to get so angry. I guess I was just expecting a more ‘intense’ side.” I say. "Maybe you have one, but you never brought her out.” “Maybe. I know I had one, maybe two. The others could never have made some of those feelings.” I can feel myself curling up a bit. “Hey, hey. Stay with me. It’s okay not to have one.” Thomas sounds nervous. “There has to be something, maybe someone. There is no way Anxiety could have caused it all.” I might be muttering now. “Whoa. What did you do?” I look up. Everything has gone dark. I feel the claws in my shoulders. Oh god. The horrible mass of mixed emotions hits like a brick. “It’s here.”

“Well ‘it’ isn’t correct. I’m still a part of you so she/her pronouns.” I turn to see what I can’t imagine was ever human. “Hi. And you are?” I try to keep my voice steady even though she is causing some horrible feelings. “Acrimonious. All of those bad feelings you bottled up, all that rage, and sorrow, and dejection, and sorrow, and resentfulness.” With each word the claws go deeper and the feelings get more intense. “Those bad nights. Those suicidal thoughts. They’re all me.” “Nice to finally have a name for it. Not your real one I’m sure.” I gasp out. “Oh naturally. I wouldn’t let someone stupid as you know anything. You would just forget anyways.” “Okay. Whatever. Thomas, meet Acrimonious. My other side. Not the last I’m sure.” My voice is shaking. This girl has too much power. “Koma.” He sounds scared too. “This one doesn’t seem like a side. She seems to be an amalgamation. Of so many. Bad things.” He pauses. “What happened to you?” “People happened.” Acrimonious snaps before I can get a word in. “People that should have loved us, and should have supported us.” “Hey! Back off! Go away. I don’t need you.” I want this monster I’ve created to go away. “That won’t work this time. I have finally manifested. You can’t make me disappear so easily now.” She snaps at me. “Thomas. Help.” I look at his desperate for any comfort, any advice, something. “I- uh. I don’t know how to deal with whatever this is. Maybe your sides know something.” “But I just told them to buzz off. They’re going to hate me. They won’t want to come out.” “They won’t mind. You’re obviously in trouble. They just want to help.” “Okay. uh. Religion, Anxiety, Logic, Morality, Creativity!” I say their names as fast as possible. They all come up. “What now?” Anxiety. “Hey hun” Religion and Morality say at the same time. “Help me. What is this monster? How can I made it stop?” That’s when they all notice the figure over me. “No. Not you. Not again.” Morality says trying to put on a brave stance but still looks scared stiff. “Again?” I say my breathing is totally uneven now. “What? How?” The horrible things I thought I had control of come flooding back. Anxiety comes and kneels in front of me. “Don’t worry we’ve dealt with her. We can do it again.” Her voice shakes but she seems very determined. They all move around me Logic on my right, Creativity on my left. They both pry my finger open and hold my hands. I grasp their hands tightly. Anxiety puts her hands on my knees, and Religion on my head. Morality last is behind me hugging me lightly, somehow through the monster. I know Thomas is close by as well. “Alright. Now focus. Breathe.” Anxiety says. “That was all a long time ago. You’ve grown so much since then.” Morality says. I feel the claws in my shoulders dig a bit deeper. They finally hit right at my core. Whatever defense I had up, whatever gaurd I might have had is long gone. “No. I don’t want to be alone. I’m so tired of being alone. I’m always so alone.” I feel myself shaking. I’m crying, heaving sobs. “I don’t want to be forgotten again.” I feel everyone’s grips get a bit tighter.”No. You are never alone. You have us. You have your friends. You have God.” Religion speaks over me.” Something snaps inside me. “God Kill Me! God make it all end. Make it stop.” I scream. Maybe this time He would finally listen and end it. “But then your friends will miss you.” “Then you couldn’t accomplish all those dreams you have.” “Then your family would miss you.” “You can’t want this.” “You know that’s now how he works.” “Please kill me.” I plead. It’s no longer a shout. It’s a harsh whisper. “Koma, you’re scaring me. You can’t mean it. You have so much to live for still.” He sounds far away.  
I pry my eyes open and look at him. I immediately notice the fear in his eyes. I look around and instantly regret it. So many memories playing out. Fighting, so much yelling, eternal slamming doors, endless choices. A few that are still so raw. “Get in the car.” “Go inside.” “Do what you’re told.” “It’s her choice.” “I NEVER had a choice.” I scream at the memory. Another of fighting, yelling, a thunderous crack, hiding. In plain view but hiding. “I went out there. To see what happened. Where did they go?” I take a shaky breath. “They forgot about me.” It comes out as a whisper. “They don’t love me.”  
“That has all past. You know mom is trying. She tries to understand. You know she’s trying.” Anxiety says. I look down at her, tearing my eyes from the horrible memories. “She’s trying.” I nod. “Breathe.” I do. “Plus now you have so many friends that will miss you.” Morality says. “Even if mom and dad don’t get it. Your college friends do. They all still keep in touch. And what about at work you have Brian, Rebecca, James, Percy, Chris, Joel, Charlie, and Rini. You have people in your life that will miss you.” With each name the claws lose ground. Morality hugs me a bit tighter. “Plus remember all of your dreams of Disney. We made it. You and I want to make things for the world to see. And we want to see the world. Please. Let’s continue those dreams. I know we can make it.” Creativity is holding my hand to her chest pleading to me. “Right. I still have so much to do.” “Correct. Even this week. We still have those small ‘adventures’ in a short time frame. All those little goals we made.” Logic says wiping a tear away. “Yea This week still have fun stuff.” The claws try to burrow back deeper, but are swiftly losing ground. “Plus you know God loves you. He has more for you here. He doesn’t want you home just yet. There is still the mission.” Religion says smoothing my hair. “Yeah, this monster has nothing on me. I made it, but I can also get rid of it. “True.” “There you go kiddo!” “I’ve been trying to say that. You know through all those horrible nights I was there. We were there. Some of us crying with you. Others doing what we can trying to put different thoughts in your head, give you some kind of encouragement. I hugged you as tight as I could. We all went through this too. So you aren’t alone. You never were.” Anxiety says. I start a little at the information.  
Somehow I knew. I felt so alone, but I knew there had to be someone there. I remember my mind racing to try and grasp something happy, or real. “Alright. Now breathe.” I inhale as deep as I can, and slowly release. There is a tremor and the room goes back to normal. “Alright. Now do it. We are right here.” Anxiety says standing up. I get up too and face the monster. Still tall and inhumane, but less scary now. “Acrimonious. I don’t need you. You hurt me and I’m sick of it. So now. I release you. You are not a part of me. Go. Away.” I take another deep breath and swipe my hand though the monster. She dissipates like smoke. “Good job.” Morality says putting a hand on my shoulder. “Will it ever come back?” I ask. “Actually that’s up to you. We don’t even quite control it. But we will do all we can to help if it happens again.” Creativity says. “That’s all we’ve ever wanted to do you know. We are here to help you.” Anxiety says. “Alright. Cool.” Uh. Koma.” Thomas speaks up. Crap. He thinks I’m a freak now. I turn to face him anyways. “Oh. Hey. Um. Yea so that’s a thing that happened.” I fumble my words. “I’ve never had that happen before. New things. Yay.” He stutters a bit too. “Yea it looks like I still had some caged in junk. Sorry about that.” “It’s okay. I guess now I know. Thanks for sharing. No matter how accidental it was.” He shrugs. “Yea thanks for helping me figure this out.” I gesture to the sides. “It’s really going to help.” “No problem.” “Also thank you guys or helping me through that. I’m glad to know you were there all those years ago.” “You know we’d never leave you. We love you too much Hun.” Morality says. “Alright. Now I really should go back. That was exhausting.” “Did you just want to stay here tonight?” Thomas asks. “Nah. For as much nicer your place is, I gotta get back.” Creativity and Religion start humming two different songs. “Really? Whatever. I’ll call when I get home and we can make plans.” Alright. Goodnight Koma.” He pulls me in for a warm strong hug. “Goodnight Thomas.”


	2. Aftermath of That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the chapter length will change. I have a lot written in not a specific format yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got home safe. But just to make sure...

I get back to my place, a one bedroom apartment. Florida is nice, but I still need to find a better place to live. I go in and lock the door behind me. It’s not the best neighborhood. I go to my bedroom and change for bed. It’s already after midnight. “Well that was scary today.” Anxiety says popping up. I jump. She looks tired, dressed in slytherin sweat pants and what I swear is my favorite old jacket. It fell apart a few years ago. “Yea... I mean. I expected you guys, but those old emotions got out and well… It seems that I haven’t gotten over it.” I say. “But you’re working on it. And that’s the important part.” Morality pops up and sits by me. She is dressed in a blue flannel and the glasses I used to have with big frames. Odd, Anxiety doesn’t seem to need them. “What? Are all of you gonna come out to assure me that it’s gonna be okay? I’m fine now. Okay?” “Nah just us. Maybe Religion if you want. But right it’s just us. I mean what would they do right now?” Anxiety says. “Yea I guess. I’m sorry for today. I just thought it would be nice you guys be a little more real. It’s like having friends when there aren’t any.” “Anything that helps. We kind of figured you’d try after you was Thomas back in college. We were waiting, but _someone_ held us back.” Morality looks at Anxiety. “We wouldn’t ha-. Okay. I was just anxious. I mean we’re new, and new is always so nerve wracking anyways. And with the five of us, and accidental Acrimonious, it was a lot to think through” Anxiety says. I notice she has long hair, and it’s down, unlike my usual ponytail. “That’s alright. You’re just a bit heightened for me. Lot’s of people have that problem. But you guys are glad I did this right? Did you want this?” I’m still second guessing myself. “If we didn’t want to come we wouldn’t have, but personally I really wanted to come. You’ve been through so much and I wanted to have real hug.” Morality says putting an arm around my shoulder. “Yea, I was only first because I was nervous I wouldn’t be brave enough. We all did want to meet you. Because we are you. And I’m so sorry I work so hard, and make your life harder. It’s just a big scary world out there.” Anxiety says hugging herself. I pat the bed on my other side and she comes and sits with us. “It’s okay. I know you’re just trying to keep me safe.” I put an arm around her. “I know it’s all emotional, but Logic is gonna flip if you don’t go to bed. Believe it or not she’s a morning person.” Morality says. “No way!” “Yep, so go to bed. Big plans for tomorrow right?” “Yep.” “Double check that alarm for me.” Anxiety says. “Set. Done. Bed.” I look at both of them. “Night guys.” “Night Koma.” “Night Hun.” They sink down and I lay down, close my eyes, and try to process all ths. Not for long because soon sleep takes over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking this out! I hope you enjoy! I'm always open for comments :)


	3. Just a normal day. How nice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am getting back to normal just living with my sides. I learn more about myself and them. It's the human brain amazing!

It’s been a few days since Acrimonious’ outbreak, and the other manifestations coming out. It’s been pretty nice I must admit to have someone, even if it’s myself, there with me. I’ve even met back up with Thomas to discuss some things that  I feel like I should have known about them. “Come on, can you at least try to focus.” Creativity, back in her paint clothes, is getting onto me. “For real. Do you see these deadlines! You don’t have time for this, but I guess if paint blob won’t let you do anything else, just get it over with.” Anxiety says. She seems to be out quite a bit for being shy or anxious or whatever. “Whatever Negative Nancy, I’ve got a really great idea this time.” “Hush both of you.” I pick up my brush again and hit play on my phone. “Alright you got this now.” Creativity is displaying an end product I can only hope for. “Yep. Let’s try it.” Anxiety finally shuts up. It seems she also likes to watch me paint. Glad it’s a common ground for relaxation. “That’s wrong.” Maybe not. “Shut up. I’ll fix it.” “Not to worry, try this.” Creativity changes the scene a bit. “Nah, go back. I liked the first idea better.” She changes it back. “Are you sure?” “Shut up.” I start again in silence try to just feel the music.

“Alright,” I say after a couple hours.”There you go! See it’s already my new favorite.” Creativity says putting her hands on my shoulders. “I like it for now, so I’m just not going to look at it. Now come on, those characters aren’t going to move by themselves.” Anxiety says pushing me to my laptop. “Fine. Time for real work. Logic!” “What’s up?” She pops up. Logic is the most different, basically the opposite of creativity’s paint covered clothes. Logic wears a nicer top that I usually wore to church, a smart side braid, and actual dress pants. I always just wore yoga pants. Nobody could tell. “Oh. More make believe. What did you need me for?” She seems puzzled and a little bored. “To make sure it makes some sort of sense. I mean I guess that was always you, but now I thought. I don’t know. You’d like to really see them.” “Oh. Um. Yes of course. How’d you know that was me. This whole mess of make believe and it seems nothing makes sense.” She’s genuinely surprised. “Oh come on. You know these two don’t have the same eye for reality as you.” “Thank you. I think. And yet you can’t listen to any of my schedules.” “Baby step yo.” I say firing up the latest project. “Alright, no time for Facebook, and you already have music, so let’s go.” Anxiety says. For as good as Logic is at keeping track of stuff I swear Anxiety just has lists and is always checking them. I get to work, the three sides of myself giving ideas, suggestions, and snide remarks.

This goes on for about four hours. “Break time.” I say stretching my sore shoulders. “Fine, but only fifteen minutes, you still have the next four sets to do.” “Oh now Logic, don’t be such a lump.” Morality pops up. I grin at the mere sight of her. “Fine thirty, but eat something. Preferably healthy, but you… Need to buy that I guess.” “Next shopping list. Anxiety remind me.” “No I’m sure I will.” Logic says. I get up and stretch a bit more. “ Oh! Yoga! I know how to do some great poses.” She lays on the ground. We just look at her. “Corpse pose. Not what I thought you’d do.” Anxiety snickers. “It actually is super relaxing. Also great for napping!” She says. “Get up.” Logic says reaching down a hand. “Ugh. Fine.” She let’s Logic heave her back up. These guys may be me, but they are definitely themselves too. “Come on. Let’s eat something so you don’t get all bleh later kiddo!” Morality up again runs off to the tiny kitchen. “So that’s where all my energy went off to. I wish she would share more often.” I say following her out of my room. “She tends to keep it all for herself. Unlike me, who loves to share all the amazing ideas I can come up with. I mean how else do you think you wrote all those stories?” Creativity says, she has changed from her paint covered clothes to a simple t-shirt and jeans with my writing scarf. “Really. I don’t need more ideas yet. I need to finish what I already have so I don’t fall behind.” “But you just made a new painting. And it’s good right?” “Yes. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just have to keep the straight mindset with only a couple side projects. I mean I have to present these in, what, two weeks? And I want to make sure it’s done, and done correctly. I know I can. But both, no, all of us need to stay focused. I’m sure Anxiety will love to help me in that.” “Yes, and if you would even look at a schedule I mean it is totally possible to do those things, but please for the love of everything, get to work!” Logic says from behind me. “Food first. You _literally_ just said that.” I say opening the fridge to see if I even have food. “Yes, but remember those good old college days when you could sit in front of the screen for eight hours straight. I was a major part of that, as was Anxiety. You got so much done.” “Yes, and I hated myself and my work. So was that really productive?” “You were learning. Sure there were some bad days, but you got everything done.” “Bad days. Is that really what you want to call those?” I glare at her and she backs off. “Okay, bad choice of words, but still.” “Logic. You are fighting a losing battle, just let it go. If you want to leave me a reasonable schedule somewhere I will look at it, but I don’t want to remember the bad days right now.” I say making a sandwich. “Alright.” She sighs looking a little deflated. “Come on guys. Arguing among ourselves isn’t going to help anything.” Religion says popping up and she starts making sandwiches for everyone else. “Thank you Religion. I was about to say that too. We can’t be mad at each other cause that just makes life harder in the long run.” Morality says accepting a sandwich. “Yea, and I know you guys don’t want _me_ working harder, cause I really hate working anyways.” Anxiety says also accepting a sandwich and quick hug from Religion. “I’m actually going to pop off for a bit. You know. Take a nap, whatever. Do your thing Koma.” Anxiety says sinking out. “Not uncommon. She isn’t much for crowds anyways. But now we can get more done without the worry of ‘hey that’s wrong’ now.” Logic says taking the sandwich from Religion lightly patting her on the head. “Yea without doom and gloom we can work more on the positive anyways.” Creativity says also grabbing a sandwich. “Hey, she isn’t negativity, she is more just nerves to make sure things get done right.” Religion says finishing her sandwich and takes a bite. “I’m going to have to buy more food aren’t I. I mean if you guys are all eating too.” I say looking at my loaf of bread surprised to see it all still there. “Wait. What?” “Manifestations can make their own stuff. I just made it look right. I mean we aren’t gonna eat all your food. Even though you barely do yourself.” Religion looks at me. “Oh. Cool.” “Come on finish up. We still have all those cells to do. Plus you wanted to make sure you call Annie tonight. She wanted your advice on her work too.” Logic says. “You know I don’t even need Anxiety here, Logic, you are doing her job basically.” I say eating the last bite. They all finish quickly, Morality and Religion sink back down, while Logic, Creativity, and I go back to work. “Alright so what about this?” Creativity says. “Wait we have to do the middle steps of this one first then the next pose.” Logic says. “Oh fine. There then.” I make the next three middle poses. “Will that work or should I make another.” “Well watch it through. Flip and see if it fits.” “Yea. I should.” I start playing through the frames. Three. Five. Ten. “Ugh. Why does this still not look right?” “Oh wait! What if we adjust this leg back, and that arm forward, and turn the head slightly. Okay then this one slightly less. And that one shouldn’t be quite as dramatic. I like it but it’s a bit much.” “That’s a first for you. Less drama?” “Yea if we build this fast then the next person won’t even have a chance to match us.” I go through fixing the small details and play it again. “Yea. That. Thanks guys. I like it.” “Play it a couple more times to make sure.” Logic says. “Okay.” I do and it still looks presentable. “And that’s a wrap.” Creativity says changing back to paint clothes. “Now about this cool idea I had I just wanted to see if you wanted to know.” “Well it is only midnight. So as long as it only takes about an hour then sure.” I say. “But.” Logic says. “Cool so it looks kind of like this, but not really cause I wanted to add silver, but would that work with the black?” “Ohhh. Okay I can totally make this work.” I say pulling out a large piece of watercolor paper and pin it up on the wall.

Oh boy if I ever move out I’m going to have to repaint over this. The awkward outlines of every color where I hang up the works I’m making. “So you get it?” “Kind of.” I re-wet the paints and pick up a large brush. “So this, but also like this.” I grab my silver shiny acrylic and smear it on. “Yea!” Creativity loves it. I continue working. It’s probably going to take more than an hour for this. We keep going and Logic sinks out without a work. This isn’t really what she can help with. I finally finish it and step back taking in the whole thing. “Wow.” Creativity says. “It’s better than my imagination. It really is.” “Is it? I’m so glad you like it. I think I’m going to hang this somewhere. I don’t want to sell this one.” “Really you’re going to keep my idea!” Creativity is basically glowing. “Yep. This one's a keeper. For real.” She hugs me super tight and luckily most of the paint on her clothes are dry. “Alright. Now I really have to go to bed. It’s been,” I look at my phone. “Two am! Logic is going to be pissssed.” “Yep, hurry up and go to bed. This can hand and dry overnight.” She shoves me toward the bathroom and sinks down herself. At least I don’t have to go in until later in the afternoon. I get ready for bed, double checking my alarm, and get in bed. Today was luckily productive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks for the support! I'm putting three chapters up today then will do chapter by chapter maybe daily maybe weekly. We will see where this goes.
> 
> About the author:  
> I'm 19 in college to be an animator. The big goal is to go work for Disney! Some day. I'm 5'9", straight, christian... Yea so that's it... 
> 
> I love it when get comments just btw :)
> 
> Koma Out!


	4. The Realish World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one gets more into my life as a whole. Intro to multiple characters. I start to show off what's happening with a little ehhehehe. Fluffly!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said later but I have so much to say.

“Well. I guess that should do it.” I say pushing back my chair and stretching. Charlie peeks around the corner. “What done already?” He says. “Nope! Just got to a good halfway of the third set so I’m gonna grab a soda. Want one?” “Yea if you don’t mind grab me a Dr. Pepper.” He gives me a grin. “No prob.” I wander to the break room. Charlie has been a good friend since I got here. I walk in to see Brian, Percy, Joel, and Rini enjoying lunch. “Hey guys. How’s it going?” I say. Yea that was good. “Hey Koma, what’s up?” Joel says. “Sah Gurl.” Percy. “How’s the project coming?” Brian. And Rini had just taken a bite so she just nods. “Project is going. Just need a soda. Long hours of ugh.” I say they nod agreement. I grab a Dew and a Pepper. “Want some?” Rini says. I look over to her bowl of chips. “Thanks.” I grab a couple. “Back to the grind. You know where to find me.” I head back out.

“See you can talk to people still.” Morality says. “Just close co-workers. We’ll see how presentations go this week.” I mumble. “What?” Charlie says. “Nothing. Just debating some ideas.” I say handing him the soda. “Anything I can help with?” He asks. Scooting over to my cubicle. “Nah. I got it. Just starting to lose focus.” “Well that’s no good. Want to look at mine? Might give you a boost to look at something new.” He suggests. “Sure. Whatcha got mate?” We slide over to his area. He’s a big Hercules fan, and Tarzan so of course that’s how he styled his cube. Mine is more inside out, and Winnie the pooh, and lilo & stitch. “So I’m thinking sense mine is last to wrap up this scene we do the corny sit on the park bench watching the sunset. I mean it’s cliche sure, but people love early romance mush.” “I like it, but wait. Whose perspective is this from?” “Both actually then we move to the overview camera setting. So it’s like last thoughts from both and then the nacho cheese ending.” “Yes. Like it. Um for this one though. What if they don’t end up holding hands? What if we leave that to the next group. Let them deal with that. The audience will know they are in love, but it will have reason to keep going.” I swear I sound like Logic. “Oh that’s a cool idea. Yea give them suspense like do they really love each other, do they?” He starts making corny faces. I giggle a bit. “Yea I think they do. Just let them be awkward you know.” “I like it!” He turns and grabs a fresh piece of paper. “If I just change it from this part. And then. Yea!” “I like hearing this. It sounds like ideas and motivation.” Brian comes over. “Yo boss man! Yep ideas that will be ready for presentations this week.” Charlie says still drawing. “How about you Koma?” He turns to me. “I had lost focus so I came to help Charlie. I think I have more ideas for mine now. Hardcore montage you know.” “Sounds good. Let’s get it done.” He walks away. “Montage? What are you planning?” Charlie gives me a look before continuing his drawing. “All the dorky ways to ask out a girl. Actually could you help me with that?” I slide to my cube grab a paper and pen. “Sure. Wait what?” “What’s the corniest way to ask out a girl?” I say. “Well I tried this once. Uh. I liked this girl and I sent her flowers with the anonymous note. She thought they were from someone else, and… Yea he took advantage of the situation. I lost the girl.” “Oh my god that sucks! Did you at least beat him up for it?” I say a little shocked he would share that. “I didn’t. I probably should have, but they are happily married now with a kid, so I guess I did something right?” “Accidental cupid. Nice. Actually I once wrote a note to a guy in Morse code saying I liked him. That didn’t go well either. He was into dudes at the time.” “Oh man that’s like totally worse than mine!” We both snicker at the dumb memories. “Alright well one has to be just going up and saying ‘Hi my name is..’ And just going with it.” He says. “Well duh. And another two or three with bad pick up lines. I mean where would the world be without pick up lines?” “What about.” He thinks for a minute. “Presents a single rose? Or some kind of poetry quote. ‘In a sea of people, my eyes will always search for you.’ or ‘I fell in love with you the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.’” “Oh god was that a John Green quote?” I give him a look. “What not a fan?” “Not usually. I like some sad stuff but not a lot. I get all sappy.” I say still writing out the ideas. “I’m not sappy it’s just so cute that they are so in love and then they die! Who does that?” Morality starts up. “Hush you.” I mutter. “I swear you keep talking like someone is there, and it’s not me.” Charlie gives me a look back. “Just a lot on my mind.” “You’re not wrong. I mean look at all the time you’re wasting with him.” Anxiety says. “Let her be. We’re making stuff.”Creativity butts in. I shake my head to clear it. “Too many idea to work with. Trying to start drawing without the proper tools.” He says. “Yea. I’m gonna scoot back and get to work. Glad we could help each other on this project.” “Yep same.” He turns back to his desk. I go back to my cubicle.

Yep I just got so many great ideas. I grin over the dumb thought of him sending flowers. “That’s still a super sweet gesture. I wouldn’t mind getting those.” Morality says. “We haven’t gotten flowers from a guy since high school. Why would it be nice all of a sudden?” Logic says. “Because flowers. Why else?” She counters. I ignore them and start drawing. I mean flowers would be nice. But I don’t have an interest right now. They guys around here are nice, but that’s all for now. I don’t want to overstep my bounds with anybody. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with it. I love writing so much. Also i case you can't tell I'm a story boarder by career, animator and painter on the side. There is so much I want to do with my life.
> 
> Koma Out!


	5. What a (Work)Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate public speaking anyways so even in an AU I have issues. Go figure right?

“Alright everyone let’s calm down. We should have started already.” Brian our project leader gets up to shush the room. All of our working scenes in progress are up on the wall. Percy finally finished pinning his up. About ten of us are trying to go over what bits to use. Everyone has already started looking at the best ones. I even got a compliment on one of mine already. 

“Alright who was first” “That’s me.” Rebecca says getting up. “Alright so we start with setting. Apparently we have our good old friend cityscape. So I think start at the top with a sunrise, yeah, and then pan down to the apartment window. Simple right. But then it’s her actually getting up. She is an absolute wreck.” She continues her part. I am taking some notes and start getting nervous. Her’s is so much better. “Yep. You done fucked up mate.” Anxiety says. “Ours is just as good Hun.” Creativity says. Ugh not now. I’m just glad they didn’t pop up. I would have flipped. “And finally she get’s back to the main road.” Rebecca says. Small applause. “Alright. I like it, but what about if she goes the other way. What would have happened?” “Well basically anything so let’s say…” She thinks for a moment. “She runs into a nice little cafe, stops and then misses him going by on the main road and would have to find him elsewhere. Like on her way to work or on the way home.” “Good.” Brian says. “She is so much better than you.” Anxiety says. I mentally shush her. “Alright I like this. Let’s keep going. James.”

James get’s up and continues Rebecca's scene with his own on the main road. “Well, so I think we change the point of view. Let’s have him see her. She is obviously slightly disheveled by now. To him she is still a work of art. Obvious love at first-ish sight.” James is such a dreamer. He continues his idea pitch. “So then…” He stops. His part is up. “Yes. Still going strong. But let’s see if we can tone it down a bit yeah? We don’t want romance this early. Maybe we can work some of that in later.” Brian says. James blushes a bit and sits down. “Okay, Koma you ready?” 

“Yea, Um.” I get up and start my section. “So kind of going off of James, but not quite. So it’s a work day and they are together yes, but switch back to her point for a second. She does think there could be something, but he’s new. She didn’t have the same zing when they ‘first-ish’ met. As James put it. Yes he is attractive and nice, but is it really real? She will pinch herself. Not a dream. So far so good.” “I take a breath. I hate presentations. “Then we can cut back to him. He knows he likes her, but being a first ‘love’, what the heck do you say? I have a few ideas. If we like them then we can go full on montage in his head. Obviously his concentration will be broke by her. So he is going through this internal conflict when she interrupts because…” I trail off. Cool. I did it. Small applause makes Creativity super happy. Anxiety backs off so I can enjoy this part. “Alright good stuff. So do you have specifics for this ‘how to woo the girl’ montage because I only see, like, two images up there?” Brian asks. “Yea, with help from Charlie I got some great ideas.” I pull out more pages of ideas. “I just didn’t want to take up too much space. So we have the normal ‘Just ask her out’ with a simple ‘Hi my name is’. Nah, to normal that only creeps use it. Flowers delivered to her desk with a note not signed. Too showy and it might not work the way you want. Notes all over her desk, a mariachi band, a text, a note, a meal. Just a lot of ideas to crowd up space and make it chaotic.” “Okay. Nice I want to see the rest of those afterword. Percy you’re up.” Brian finishes.

Percy gets up and starts. I sit the heck back down. I get a pat on the shoulder from Rini. I must have done okay then. My heart's still racing from that. I still can’t get used to the idea of sharing with so many people. Luckily I’ve gotten used to some of the people so I can at least talk clearly now. I’m so glad they liked it. Those drawing took so long with arguments from Logic, Creativity, and Anxiety. It’s hard having all three going at once. I thought I was going to have a straight up panic attack. Those guys are so overbearing sometimes. Percy finishes after a lot of extra words and cells. I can’t believe how many he put out for this one. “Wow. Okay um I like the effort, but we can probably cut some of these. Anybody got suggestions?” “Well, do you really need three just for going through a door. And also what about those chest clutching ones, don’t want it to look like a heart attack.” Joel says. He is usually the one who offers cuts first. “I agree with the whole grab your heart one.” Chris says. A few of us nod agreement. “Okay good start, we can get the rest later. We gotta get to Rini and the rest of you. Lunch still sounds far away.” Brian says after another couple cuts. They switch spots and we continue with a few good scenes, and a few more cuts. Everyone is working their hardest on this one because it’s going to be used sooner than later. That might mean in six months that might be a few years. Either way. We want our names rolling through those credits.

 

We finally finish and everyone breaks for lunch. “Hey guys wait for me. I just need to show him my montage.” I say to Rini, Chris, Charlie, and James. They nod and head out to get cash for lunch. I go to Brian. “So let’s try to cut a bit more, but I do like the idea.” “Okay.” Percy looks a bit dejected. He turns and starts to go out. “I liked your idea today Percy, just wanted to say so.” He looks at me and gives a small smile. “Thanks Koma, you did good too.” “Koma, I want to see those, I’m hungry too.” Brian says. I give Percy a quick wave a hop over. “Yea I’m hungry too, next time have this after lunch.” I say pulling out papers. “And have you all asleep, no chance. Anyway what do you got for me.” “This mess.” I show him all the ideas I had for the montage. “I figured the more the better so after I asked Charlie I just googled dumb ways to ask out girls. Some guys. Wow.” I’d found a lot of ‘interesting’ websites. “Okay so I like these ones, I think these could use some more structure, and these are just too bad. I mean morse code? And what even is this?” “An underwater message. It was a stretch I know. And also I used morse code once on a guy. I kind of got the same response then too.” He gives me a look and I laugh. “No joke. I did give a guy a message in morse code.” He shakes his head. “Work on this.” He gives my papers back. I nod and head out. “See I told you that you suck.” Anxiety says. I ignore her for now. I know Brian liked some of my ideas. Right?

“God, it took you long enough. Did you make the whole movie yourself?” Chris says when I get out. “Yes. I have made the whole thing by myself.” I snort and push him. “Do you want to drop that off?” Rini asks. “Yea I need two seconds.” I run off to my cube. “One! Two!” James yells after me. “Oh shut up!” I call back. I drop my things and grab my wallet from my desk. “Let’s go I’m starving!” I run up to them. “Where are we going today? Charlie asks. “Let’s try that new Italian place on Magnolia!” James says. “Pasta? Hell yeah.” I say. Rini nods agreement. “Three for, no opposed. Let’s go.” James says and we take off. Luckily it’s within walking distance.

 

It’s nearing the end of the day and I’m still going strong. Finally my brain got the caffeine instead of my heart. “Come on keep going.” Logic says popping up behind me. Creativity is right there next to her urging me on with the occasional idea, but mostly, just drawings. “Alright. I think these look okay. I want to start an outline.” ‘You still suck at those.” Anxiety says. “Not now.” I grab my thin sharpie and start back at square one. It’s dark out and most of the others have left. “Okay, I’m exhausted, can we call it a day?” Morality says. “Nope we have more we can do.” Creativity says. “Nah I’m tired too. Optimal sleep is unachievable unless we leave… twenty minutes ago.” “Crap.” I say. I look at my phone and pause my Disney list. I should pack it up. “You still here.” Brian comes over. “Yea I just. I wanted to get the ink overs done. At least the outline.” “Good to know. But still. The last of us are leaving. Pack it up. Continue tomorrow.” “Yes sir. I’m on it.” I get up and gather my things. “We’ll wait.” “Nah no big deal. I’ll be out soon.” “Alright. See you.” He leaves and I finish putting my things away. “Hey, ready to go?” Charlie is right outside my cube. I jump. “Oh god I thought I was the last one here.” “Just us and the janitors. I’m sure Nancy would like it if we say hi on our way out.” He says as we start out. “You know the janitor’s name?” I ask. “Yea. I try and know everyone. It’s nice to be appreciated, so I want to do my part of that.” He says. “Hey Nancy! Have a good night. I think we’re the last ones out.” “Thanks Charlie. Keep up the great work you two.” Nancy smiles at us. “Thanks Nancy.” “Thank you. I’m Robin, or Koma, by the way. Thanks for working so hard too.” I say. We shake hands. “It’s no trouble. We all got our jobs around here.” She says. We thank her again and head out. “She’s super nice. She actually jump started my car once.” Charlie says as we head to our cars. “Really? She knows how to do that?” I’m amazed at that fact. “Yea she’s a big ball of mystery.” We get to our cars. “So see you tomorrow?” I ask. “For sure. I actually had a question for you.” “Shoot.” “Nah I’ll ask tomorrow.” He says opening his car door. “Okay. See you tomorrow then.” I get in my car and start it up. He does too. Now my mind will only be plagued by this though until he freaking asks me.

 

I wonder that he wants. If he’s saving it, then it’s probably about work. “Unless it’s not.” Creativity says wiggling her eyebrows. “Oh god. I didn’t think you had a romantic aspect to you.” I say as she pops into the passenger side. “Of course. I love when we think about love.” “You know that’s not what it’s going to be about. It’s probably another question over his drawing.” Logic pops up. ‘Or he wants to ask you about another girl. I mean you are the DUFF of the group . You’ve always been that. Or he wants you to leave him alone. I mean take a hint kid.” Anxiety also shows up to dampen the mood. “Oh come on. He’s been our friend since we got here. I mean he talks to us and gives us great advice, hell he’s bought you lunch before. Multiple occasions! He must like you!” “Oh come on. Brian must have told him to be nice you would stay.” Anxiety says. “Ugh all of you stop. Please.” I pull into my apartment complex. I head inside still worried about Charlie. I mean we are just friends. Right? “It’s never going to be that simple. But I guess we can’t know until tomorrow.” I say heading to bed. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhehe yea so that just happened. I'm just a fluffy bean so I write about it. This chapter is mostly building. I'll be putting up more soon. 
> 
> Koma Out! :)


	6. Can I Just

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a day. Can't life just for once. Nah.  
> Tags: Swearing, Creep, Threats, AHHH!  
> Secrets are starting to come out!

I wake up early, so early, and turn off my alarm.”Get up.” I tell myself. I really need to stop staying up with Creativity. I love the new paintings and story ideas, but this is getting ridiculous. I get up and ready for work. I grab my laptop and stick it in my bag along with four flash drives, two sketchbooks, and my many pencil cases. “Eat something.” Morality says. “Crap. Right.” I grab a pop tart from the box and head out. “Lock the door.” Anxiety says. “Just double checked. I got it today.” I hop in my car. “It’s Tuesday.” Logic says. “Check your freaking oil.” “Right.” I hop out with a napkin and pop the hood. Seems fine. As usual. "The one time you don't check your car will probably explode." Anxiety says.

“Hey sweetheart. Car trouble?” A male voice to my left says. “Nope, Just gotta check the oil every now and then.” I finish and close the hood with a slam. “That’s good.” I look at the man. He better not try anything. “So why don’t you show me what else those pretty hands can do?” Seems I found a creep. _ Great _ . “I can sure as hell strangle you.” I practically growl at the man. I get back in my car and lock the doors before starting my car. “Oh come on bitch, you got nothin’.” He starts yelling profanities at me knocking on my window. Seems he isn’t as nice as he thinks. I stick the car in gear and hit the gas. My car leaps forward and he leaps back. I brake and roll down my window a bit. “Listen, fucker, I got things to do so go the fuck away or I  _ will _ hit you with my car.” I say. He actually looks scared now. I roll up the window and pull onto the main road. Only when I know I’m safe do I drop my guard. “Thanks Anxiety.” Se appears in the passenger seat. “It’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. I’m just trying to not have a breakdown here.” She’s shaking, looking obviously terrified from the encounter. I start to feel it too but do my best to shake it off. “Yea. We can deal with this later. How come you let me say all that? I’m never confrontive.” I ask. “I was too concerned with other things so when he got in the way I wasn’t paying him much mind. I was making a list of ways to turn down Charlie. But it seems like I got to back off. Like the someone else is too scared to do something so you get that jolt of ‘oh yea I got this’ I let it happen. It’s pretty rare so don’t get used to it.” She says seeming to get a little more control back. “That was super bad-ass thought!” Creativity pops up in the back seat. Anxiety and I both scream in surprise. “God I doubt I’ll ever get used to you guys doing that.” I say. “Sorry. You guys are so jumpy.” “Well you did just tell off a creep. So I’m gonna go hide for a bit and make a few lists of all the awful things that might make for us. Sorry if it’s going to be a bother, but I’m going to go freak out for a while.” Anxiety says.  “Just not too much. We still have work today.” Creativity says. “I’ll try. No promises.” She disappears and Creativity jumps up front. 

“Boy that was cool. Like, sure, super scary, but so cool!” “Yeah. it seemed like  team effort.” “Yea with Anxiety’s mind elsewhere I kind of took over.” “Well thanks for that. You’re more than creativity it seems.” I say. “Yeah I’m kind of a mish mosh of deep emotions. Romance, Ideas, Creativity, Badass-ness, the works.” “So you could split into more if you wanted to?” I ask. She looks a little shocked. “I mean. Yeah I guess. I’m a lot of your deeper emotions, more complex emotions, so I guess I could. But then I wouldn’t be me. Did you want more sides? I could try to be more.” She looks worried. “Oh no. No no no. I want you just as you are. More would be way to stressful. I just took notice that you have a lot to you. Like your own sides almost. My painting versus writing versus romance versus well a lot. I don’t want you to change I just want to understand you.” I say pulling into the complex. She visibly relaxes. “Thanks Robin. I’m glad you’re okay with us. I’m ready to be a bit closer if you want.” “Good. Wait what?”

I turn off the car and look at her. “I was going to tell you my name.” She says. “Really? Wow. Are you sure?” “Yeah. I figure if you really want to know someone you should at least know their name.” She says. “Good advice from Kiki’s Delivery Service.” “Actually yeah. That’s why I used the quote. My name is Kiki.” I grin super wide. “I love it! It fits super well.” “Yeah I thought so too. But Um. We need to get inside and get to work.” “Right.” I grab my stuff. Today is another day. I learned Creativ- Kiki’s name. I will finish my last couple sketches for my montage. I will ink over and start the color study. I need to make copies in order to do that. Creep forgotten, I’m focused on my work. I forget the rest of my problems. Wait what? 

I’m never this focused. “Anxiety.” I think to her. “Don’t pull it all in on you. I can still take my fair share. I need it too.” I know she is probably mid panic attack right now. “I got this. Don’t worry about me.” She sobs. “I’m okay. I’m okay.” Oh Jesus. She is definitely not alright. “Religion, Morality, please go check on Anxiety for me. She needs to I’ve some of this back to me. I feel way to good. And she is hurting. I can take some back.” “On it.” Religion says. “Okay hun. We’ll keep you posted.” “I’m sure I’ll feel it.” I get settled and don’t even notice Brian trying to get my attention. “Koma.” He snaps his fingers next to my ear. 

“Jesus!” I jump. “Brian, but that’s not the point.” I turn and face him. “Sorry lost in thought. What’s up?” “Well mostly just seeing if you you’re alright. You stayed late and you’re here early. You feeling okay?” He asks. “I’m fine. I just want to get my part done right.” I say. “You’re still tired. You need more sleep.” Logic says. “Well, make sure you’re taking care of yourself.” He says. “I will.” He waves and walks away. “Sleeeeeeeep.” Logic whines. I shake my head to clear it and grab my poptart from my bag. “Shut up.” I start making a new playlist for the ink process. 

About an hour later a few more of the others start to show up. Charlie wanders my way and hold out a bottle. “Apple right?” He says. I accept it gratefully. “Thanks Charlie. I’m already so out of it.” I say taking a drink. “Oh yeah? What’s got you down?” He asks grabbing his chair and pulling it over. “Well not so down much as a little shook. So this morning I checked the oil in my car, like you do.” “Like you do.” “And well. This guy came up and was trying to be smooth or whatever, but he was a big creep. I actually told him off, but god I’m so spooked now.” I say starting to comprehend what the heck I did. “Wow Koma. Well first off, way to be a badass. Second, did you want me to go back with you tonight? Just in case he’s there so I can watch you kick is ass.” Charlie says putting a hand on my shoulder. “Nah I’m fine. I’m sure he won’t stick around. I mean I’ve never seen him before.” I say. “Alright. I was gonna watch you go all ninja on him, but as long as you’re safe.” I yawn and nod. “What’s today’s playlist looking like?” He asks glancing at my phone. “Well it’s still en process. More angst. Being is my scene is a montage of chaos. You want my older list with Lemonade Mouth and Phantom of the Opera? Lot’s of bittersweet songs like your part.” I say. “Sure.” I send him the link to it. We often trade music suggestions and send each other lists depending on mood. “Want to add those Shinedown songs? I know they worked well for the one a few months ago.” “Nah, I’m thinking more Linkin Park and some Hillsong.” I say finding another song and adding it. “Ah slow and sad for complete and utter chaos. I like it.” He nudges me. “I’ll probably change it later. More metal and rock covers or something. I mean I’m already starting to ink today.” “Oh wow, you’re that far already? Nice. I should be there by the end of the day.” He shrugs. “You will. I believe in you.” I smile at him. He gives me a hug and heads back to his own space.

I finish my list and hit play. Alright. What the heckin am I doing? “Let’s ink!” Kiki is super excited. “See he asked you about music. That wasn’t so bad. Logic says. “Yep. One problem question averted. And I made these lists for nothing then. Unless that wasn’t it.” Anxiety says. “Hush guys.” I think and grab my pens. It’s time to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was fun. My sides also have names! The day's not over yet though. What else is gonna happen? Check back soon!
> 
> Koma Out! :)


	7. Dripping Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to add more. This one is super cheesy (obviously the title) and fluffy. I'm running on four hours of sleep but it's fine. I'm so glad people are reading my work!

Much much later Rini knocks on my cubicle “Hey are you going out for lunch today?” “Hmm? Yeah I’ll go. Wait What?” I rub my eyes. “Are you coming to lunch?” She repeats. “It’s already that late? Yeah I’ll come.” “Come on then. We are going to that new pizza joint.” She says. I grab my wallet and jump up. “Who else is coming?” I ask when we get going. “Us, Charlie, James, and Rebecca I think.” She says. “So Rebecca is dropping the diet today I guess. She looks good already not sure why did was on it in the first place.” I say we walk out of the building arms linked. “You know she just wanted to be healthy. But I think this place has some kind of gluten free tofu pizza or whatever.” We both make a face and continue to walk over. 

We finally get there and go in, the rest of the group already waiting for us. “Yo! What took you guys so long? I swear these guys were going to eat me!” Rebecca says as we approach. “She was stuck in lalaland, and I had to help her remove the cloud from her ears.” Rini says scooting into the booth. “Well we already ordered, but service is kind of slow so we already got your guys too. Hope you don’t mind.” James says. “As long as it’s not wherever Rebecca is getting I’m sure it’s fine. I don’t eat tofu or non gluten whatever they have.” I say sliding in by Charlie. “Hey you know I’m on a health kick, but pizza. You _can’t_ kick pizza. I’ve tried. So I have healthy pizza.” I make another face and she mocks me. “You guys are ridiculous. Hey food!” We turn to see the waiter come over with multiple pizzas. He carefully slides them onto the table and once again disappears into the kitchen bringing out two more. “Thanks so much!” I say and a chorus of thanks go around. He just nods asks if he can get us anything and then goes on his way. “Dig in.” Charlie says and grabs a slice for himself. We all dig in with the occasional “Mmm’s” and “Yass’s”. I’m glad these guys are as big of dorks as I am. “You guys are all real pizza’s of work, but I love you anyways.” I say receiving groans, and Rini tosses her napkin at me. I snicker, being the pun master I must keep them in good spirits. Charlie gives me a side hug for good measure. We chat and eat just letting time flow around our company. 

 

“So um. About that question I wanted to ask.” Charlie is outside my cubicle not long after we get back. “Yea? What’s up?” I say pausing my music and looking at him. He has a box in his hand. “You want a raisin?” “Um, not particularly… And we just ate. How are you hungry?” I say. Seriously how is he- Oh God! “Then how about a date instead?” All I hear are giddy squeals from Kiki and terrified screams from Anxiety. He is grinning wider than the Cheshire. “You did not just ask me out via pun! That’s so cheesy!” I start laughing. “The best macaroni drips, just like my style.” I laugh harder. “So what about it?” “Yes, of course!” He hugs me tightly. “You have no idea how scared I was you’d say no. Especially after this morning! I thought you would swear off men or something.” He is laughing with me now. “No way! I was just shook. I just wish you would have asked last night. I’ve been stressing about it since you brought up that you had a question.” He pulls back and looks me in the eye. “No.” I nod “Yeah, I’m like that.” “I’m so sorry! I thought it was such a weird time with you work too. I mean you basically had a huge list of nope! I had to get creative, and find something I thought you would like! Plus I didn’t have raisins yesterday. I don’t even like them so if you want em.” “No way I don’t like raisins either! Grapes are even questionable.” I say. He tosses the box back to his cubicle. “So I should keep my  _ cheesy _ personality instead of being a sour puss.” He says still grinning. “Ew. Too many food jokes I’m gonna be sick.” “Okay I’ll stop. I just.” He grins again. “No! Get back to work! I swear if you make a pun I’ll punch you.” “Fine, I’ll just  _ bee _ on my way.” He pulls a stuffed winnie the pooh bee off my shelf and tosses it at me. “Out!” I say catching my plushie. He chuckles leaving, and I can hear him in his own space still giggling to himself. I toss the bee over the wall at him. “Ah! I’m  _ beeing _ bombarded!” He tosses over a small plush pegasus. “You’re not getting this back you know. He’s my favorite from the movie.” I say. “Back at you.” He says. I try to keep working but Kiki, and Anxiety, and Morality are all still freaking out that he even asked me. Heck, I’m still freaking out. I apparently have a boyfriend now. How did that happen? Through the thickest cheese ever. Puns. 

“Ready to go?” Charlie comes over at the end of the day. “Yea, I’m ready.” I say packing up my stuff. I get up and he takes my hand as we walk out. “So how much more do you have?” He asks. “I think I’m about done with the initial ink, so I can start the color study. I mean, did they even give us colors for this project at all?” I reply. “Yeah, they were in that latest email. They have some pretty weird colors, so I say, if you want to find some others that look better and show Brian, then it will make life enjoyable later,” he says. “Ugh really? Bad colors on such a cool project. But mine won’t really follow the color scheme anyways. Montages get special secret privilege to adjust colors to make it more dynamic,” I say, looking at him like I’m a secret agent. 

“Uh huh. Sure you do. You have to follow the rules like the rest of us.” “I’d like to think of them more as guidelines than actual rules.” I say in a fake accent. “So you’re just a pirate then. I hope you like running from the law on a boat. I understood that reference.” He says shaking his head. “I like boats! I could totally live on a boat.” I say. “What about a crew dummy? You need at least six apparently minimum, and I have a lot of work staying within the rules.” He says. “What! You say you wouldn’t want to go be a pirate with me? I promise to give you your cut of the treasure.” I say looking appalled. He snorts. “Is there any buried treasure left in this world?” I shrug. “Then I’ll be a space pirate. I’ll be queen of the space pirates. Eventually someone with more gusto with come try to take over, and they either will, or I will become empress of the universe.” I say as we get to my car. “Well empress, I’m afraid this is where I must leave you for the night.” He kisses my hand and opens the door for me. I’m super blushing now. “Well. Even if you aren’t a pirate, you’re a pretty great guy.” I say getting in. “I‘ll see you tomorrow Empress.” “Please, call me Koma, all my equals do.” He grins. “Night Koma.” He closes the door and, I start my car. I. Have. A. Boiii!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I'm sorry for my fluff, and the rest, but I like to believe that can dream about future possibilities. I don't mean to insult the vegans. I'm so sorry it's so cheesy!   
> Also Kudos to my friend Josh for the "grape" pick up line!
> 
> Koma Out! :)


	8. He's-  She's-  What??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I have a significant other now? What the heck right? What else happens after that? dun Dun DUN!

I make it all the way home before Kiki pops up and starts talking a mile a minute. “OhmygodCharliefinallyaskedyouIknewhewouldohmygodohmygodohmygod!” She takes a deep breath and opens her mouth again. “Andhegaveyouaplushand-” “Stop! For the love of all that is real.” Anxiety pops up too. “Pirates! That’s what you thought of, was freaking pirates?! It’s not enough that he used a pun to ask her out, but then you start blabbing about pirates. He is going to think we are so weird. How could you?! And don’t get me started about him. A pun! A freaking pun and you still said yes! What does that say about him? Was this all a joke? He seems like he would do this on a dare!” “He called her Empress! Who would joke about royalty?!” “She isn’t ROYAL!” “Guys. Can we take it down a couple notches?” I say. They don’t hear me and keep at each other. “Stop.” Religion pops up and says. They both stop immediately. “Oh sure you listen to her.” I say rolling my eyes. “They kind of have to.” She says quietly. “But seriously you guys need to cut it out. Having a boy in her life is a good thing. It’s going to bring many new things, but we will be fine. Just  _ calm down _ about the whole thing. Was it perfect? No. But that’s what makes him human. And that’s what she likes about him.” She finishes and turns to me. “Was that about right.” “Yeah. That sums it up. I'm super glad that he likes me like that, and I think I like him too. And the pirates wasn’t a bad idea, but maybe not so extreme next time. And Anxiety. Chill. This might have some scary parts, but it’s Charlie. I thought you liked him too. So we will take this one day at a time. But for now I really want to tell someone.” I say whipping out my phone. I call my sister and tell her. We squeal together for a while. Her and her boyfriend have been together since college, but I never had anyone then. When I finally hang up, the rest of my sides have disappeared. I don’t mind. I want to be alone with my thoughts.

 

I have a boyfriend. I have sides. I have- *Ring* I have a text!  _ “Yo, Koma! I was hoping you had some time to hang out soon. I wanted to see how you and your sides were doing :)” _ It was from Thomas. I’m glad he texted me. I did want to meet up. I type out quickly.  _ “For sure, how does this weekend sound? We can watch some cartoons.” “Saturday?"  _ He asks. _   “Sounds good. I’ll see you then, I still have some work to do before bed.” _ I reply. _ “Good luck!”  _ Yay weekend plans! “What if Charlie had wanted to hang out?” Anxiety says. “Then he has all of Sunday to do so.” I say back. “What if he gets jealous that you have another guy friend?” “Thomas is GAAAY!” I sing heading to the kitchen. “I have so many good things happening. 

"Hey what did Religion mean earlier that you guys had to listen to her?” I just remembered. “She has an ability. We have to do what she says." Anxiety says.  "She says its because she's 'so pure'. That sounds like such BS though.” “Wait abilities? Seriously. You guys have super powers now?” I say giving her a look. “Um well we all can teleport cause duh, but no we don’t have ‘super powers’. It’s more. Each of us have something we can do to take control over most of you or just overpower the others to get our way. We don’t often use it. Except Religion. She kind of likes to just stop arguments.” She goes on explaining what the others can do. None of it is too surprising, but it’s good information to know. “Thanks Anxiety. I hope I can figure you guys out a bit more.” 

“Well, if you want more ask the others. They are all into sharing. Especially Logic. She is into that, and she doesn’t think you want her around much.” She stops at that last comment. “Oops. Well, I’m going to go regret my existence.” She pops out. “Wait. What?” Logic feels unwanted? I mean sure I don’t do much that I can use her for, but she is still an important part of me. 

“Logic!” I say. She pops in wearing a dark jacket and yoga pants. “I can explain.” She says quickly. “No need. Well not about that. What is this I hear from Anxiety that you don’t feel wanted?” She starts a little. “Well it’s just. Um.” Her eyes well up. “You just seem to ignore me a lot of the time, and sure, I know all those random facts that you spout, but other than that I feel just a little, pushed away.” A single tear drops to the floor. “Oh Logic. I’m so sorry.” I get up and hug her. ‘I had no idea how put out you felt.” “I’m one of your only non emotional sides, this is so weird. I don’t usually get this way.” She says scrubbing at her eyes. “Just because you don’t control my emotions doesn’t mean you don’t have any at all. You are still such an important part of me. You make me smart. You got me through school. Yes, you know all my fun facts, but you are so much more to me than a walking thesaurus. You are part of me. You are my friend. I’m so sorry that I’ve made you feel this way.” She cries into my shoulder a bit. “It’s okay. I’ll try to remember what I’m here for.” She says. “Yeah, you are important to me. Never forget that.” She nods. "Did you want to stick around for a bit? We could go over those last frames we were working on?" I ask. "No thanks. It's late. You need sleep as to not run on empty tomorrow. Goodnight Robin." She says. "Goodnight." "Elizabeth." "Oh. Elizabeth. Thank you. Goodnight Elizabeth." She sinks down. Boy howdy these guys are a mess, and I thought that was supposed to happen during school. Maybe you never really know yourself as well as you think you do. For now I will try to just make all my sides feel listened to. And try my best to be well rounded. Either way we all need to try and get along. These guys wear me out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well wasn't planning on another name reveal yet, but I'm super happy it fit in. Also I must reiterate. None of this is real. FML right? But this was a fun chapter of building more area and well. I do have a sister though. Of course Anxiety freaks out because I have another person in my life. It's super adorable. I swear I'll try and be more consistent but well... *cough* I'll try. And yes the next chapter will be with Thomas and his sides. Omg that's a lot of people! I love getting feedback so feel free to leave suggestions and other comments!
> 
> Koma Out :)


	9. Can we Cartoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to add Thomas back in. And I have. Of course it's after the nostalgia video. This is an obvious AU so I'm gonna play it off as though it happened a while ago. I'm just letting life happen.

I’m hanging out with Thomas today. Just to watch cartoons because we both have a day off. It’s been a while so I‘m glad we have some time. Plus the sides will be able to interact. He can luckily see my girls.  Just hope Religion doesn’t feel left out because she doesn’t have a match. “Here.” The gps says and I turn last second. “Shiiiiiiit.” I say. Luckily I’m still safe. I’ve been drowning in thoughts any time I’m alone, or stop paying attention to life. “Please try to concentrate, we are almost there and I’d hate for you to cause an accident.” Elizabeth pops up. “Sorry. I just-” “We know. It’s kind of our fault. We apologize and will do our best to stop distracting you.” She says. Huh who knew that once they existed it would be louder in my head. “Anyways... There is his house. I hope his logical side, Logan correct? Logan will be tolerable.” She says pointing to the building. “Thanks. I’m sure it’s going to be fine. I mean we are going to watch cartoons. I’m sure Logan isn’t much of a fan either. You guys can go read a book or something if you don’t want to watch.” I go up and knock. “Oh that’s your brilliant plan. I never need my brain, go read a book. Well you know what?” She stops. “Yeah. No. I’m just going to go read.” 

Thomas opens the door. “Yo! Koma what is up? Got Logic with you, nice, come on in.” He opens the door wider and shows us in. “Her name is Elizabeth, just so you know. You have no  _ idea _ how nice it is to have someone else who can see them.” I say. “Oh nice job starting to get some names, and I know right. You want a drink? I’ll call the guys.” He asks. I nod. “Yea I’ll get the girls. Cartoon marathon!” 

“Yeah! Logan, Virg, Pat, Roman! So how are you doing?” He says heading to the kitchen. The boys all pop up. “I’ve been pretty good. With work, and now I have a boyfriend it’s been busy. Religion, Anxiety, Kiki, Morality. How about you?” Everyone shows up. Each pair says hi to each other and the rest. “I’m good. Youtube keeps me busy most days. Wait you got a boyfriend! I want to hear about this.” Thomas says. “A whole day of nonsense.” Logan says. “Try living with it.” Logic says. “So you told her your name. That’s super cool. You guys must get along well for you to go first.” Roman says to Kiki. “Yeah, we had a good talk, and we are just so connected, so I thought it was a good time.” She replies. Thomas sets up the Tv. “So what are we starting with?” Morality asks. “Steven Universe!” Patton says. They squeal with delight and hug each other. Wow they are way too in sync, they have even changed into their onesies. I look around at the large room. Anxiety and Virgil are sitting on the stairs looking at each others phones. Logan and Lo- Elizabeth are telling Morality and Patton to stop being so weird. Roman and Kiki are trading ideas for who knows what talking with loud gesture and wild hand movements. Religion is… Where’d she go? I turn to see her in the kitchen making tea and other various drinks for the sides. I hope she won’t get left out. Or try to do all the work herself.

“Guys, let them wear whatever they want. And Logan you have a onesie too, so don’t even try to tell Pat no.” Thomas says. “Wait you have one too?” Logic asks a little skeptic. Logan looks down ashamed “Yes.” “You do! I want to see!” Kiki exclaims distracted from Roman. “Come on guys. You can wear whatever you want. Can we please start?” Thomas tries to get control back of the conversation. “Come on guys. Calm down.” Religion says setting down a tray of drinks. Everyone seems to quiet down, even Thomas’ sides. “Logan likes onesies, we knew that. You like sweat pants, no big deal. Cartoon time?” Religion says. The whole room gets a new energy and we all snuggle on the couch. She must have used her “ability” on them. Not sure if it works on me and Thomas. We start from season two and basically lounge the rest of the day. Every ten minutes or so we sing or hum the theme song. It’s nice to have the day off. Later we switch to adventure time, and order a pizza. Logan and Logic moved off to read, and the others just do their own thing, mostly watching with us.

 

“Hey, thanks for hanging out today. I’m glad we both were free.” Thoms says. “You still have to do edits for youtube.” “You still haven’t finished those ink overs or even thought of the color study.” Both of our anxieties say. “Not due yet, don’t do yet.: I say. “That!” Thomas says pointing at me. Logan and Logic are still reading. I knew they’d end up like that. They have to deal with both of our nonsense so someone else who gets them is a nice change. Morality and Pat are curled up together napping, so cute in matching onesies. The rest of us just finished all of puppy cat. “Yea, but I should probably head home. It’s getting late.” We spent all day watching toons. We only paused for food breaks and that was even rare. We did make dinner together. I can cook and Thomas… Tries. 

“Yeah I wanted to get a vid up tomorrow.” Thomas says getting up to clear the dishes. We don’t notice that Roman and Kiki disappear. After everything is cleared and I gather my stuff to leave, Morality and Pat hug goodbye. Actually they hug everyone no matter who they were. The logical sides shake hands, and the anxieties actually hug too. Seems that they get each other. “Wait. Where are Kiki and Roman? I ask. “Here!” She pops back up with Roman. “You guys have  _ got _ to see this guy’s closet. Oh my Gawd! You can tell he’s totally the most flamboyant!” She gushes. “Wait. You can do that?” Thomas asks. “I mean yeah, I guess so. We did.” “Huh. I guess we could have gone to my room then. A little less extra in there.” Logan says. “Next time. I’m sure this falderal will happen again. Especially with the new information.” Elizabeth replies. “I want to see yours!” Both moral sides say. “Clean the webs and we’ll talk.” Anxiety says. Virgil just shrugs. “Wait so you guys were both in my mind palace? How does that work?” Thomas says. So much for leaving. 

“Well Roman was being a dear and suggested some fashion tips, because I have painting and writing so I wanted something else. He gave me his ‘ideas’ so basically this!” She snaps and is in a light blue sundress. “Oh god not a dress.” I groan. “What? I like it. She says doing a 360 spin. “Well that’s something to explore more next time. Koma, when’s your next day off?” Thomas asks. “Um, no idea. Couple weeks before I get a full free day, and Charlie will probably want to hang out then. I’ll text you when I figure it out.” I say. “Alright girls we need to shove off.” We say all our goodbye’s again and leave.

 

“So you guys have all your own rooms. You can all go in whosoever room. Just not forever. There is a large common area where you can all hang out. Am I correct so far?” I ask Liz. “Yes so far that’s all true.” “And it seems I can go to all these places in my own head. And the rest of you can also go to someone else’s mind if they have sides and are given permission.” I continue. “Seems true as well. We haven’t really had time to try anything yet.” She replies. “So we can try with Thomas later.” “Still true. He seems willing. Anything else you wanted to talk about?” She asks. “Nah I think that’s it. Thanks, Liz. I’m glad you can follow my crazy train of thoughts.” “Of course. Also it’s Elizabeth. Sleep well.” She disappears. “Night.” I say to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a thing now. I'm glad to have everyone in the mix, but wow is writing that many people hard!   
> I really hate wearing dresses if you couldn't tell.   
> Also because it's an AU I can make that happen. Mwahaha! I'll explore it more later I'm sure. 
> 
> Koma Out :)


	10. Well This Sucks.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life can only go well for so long. Seems my luck finally ran out.  
> Ps. Anxiety Attack warning and nightmares.

I wake with a start and sit up coughing. Another nightmare. I just can’t shake the vision in my brain. I hate scary things anyway so when my dreams are full of unseen monsters and things hiding everywhere waiting to jump out and kill me. “Hey hun” I scream when Morality pops up. “Oh gosh. Sorry, sorry, sorry.” She comes over and hugs me. “Jesus don’t do that.” I say catching my breath. “Sorry I just. Well, we saw it too. And I’m also really jumpy. I was wondering.” She stops. “You wanted to come cuddle.” I say. She nods. “And you can’t cuddle the others because?” 

Not that I didn’t want her to stay, in case it came back. “Well, I mean, that’s what we usually do, but it’s just you here, so I wanted to make sure you’re okay too. Plus Kiki kicks in her sleep.” I’m so glad she came, even if she scared me. “Yeah. I’m okay now, but if you still want to cuddle that would be nice.” I say making room for her to scoot in. “Yay.” She says softly. We snuggle in close and that’s how we fall back asleep. It’s nice having someone there. Our shared warmth is calming and I find it easy to fall back asleep. This time with dreams of flying through the clouds without a care in the world. 

 

 

I have the day off today, but I didn’t make plans with anybody. It seems I’ll be stuck in my own head, apartment, whatever, by myself for a while. “When I grow up. When I grow up I will no longer have to deal with other classes homework. I’ll be able to dedicate my time to my work. Someday.” I know I’ve said it. I sit on my bed closing my eyes. So many times on late nights with four projects due at vary times the next day. So many times I’ve though. When I grow up I’ll have time to focus. Oddly enough. I was mostly correct. I have time to focus on m work now, and I even have time for some side projects. I’m glad I survived college. I’m glad I found a job and I’ve worked my way up a bit. My friends are here with me, and I’ve made more in time. I’m doing good right? Right? I’ve survived this long. I can keep going. I can keep going. I have a bone-deep exhaustion, but I’ll live. I’ve always pressed through. Sometimes I crack and break, but at least most of me gets through. The important parts get through. I will always continue. I want to see the world. I wish I could just be happy in my present situation. I have everything I wanted. I am still looking ahead. I’m not stuck so my am I so blah right now?

 

“Well maybe I can help you with that.” Anxiety says popping up. “Oh Jeez. What do you want? I know you’re heightened, but could you stop.” I say sitting up quickly. “Well. Actually, it’s not all me. You are getting all nostalgic, and so you were using Morality and Kiki to look back, and forward, at your whole freaking life, and how bad it was, and how good it’s gotten. But. You still want more. And unfortunately, this world isn’t that great. You can’t magically make money, or go everywhere. It takes work, and you know it. That’s the one thing you’ve known your whole life. You have to work too hard to get anywhere. You’ve had to fight for every little thing in your life, and the future is no different. You still won’t be enough, so you have to work harder to make up for that. That’s how you got into college, that’s how you got this job, that’s how you got promoted. You had to work your ass off to get anywhere.” She just keep going. My mind is filling with all the thoughts of the work I’ve done. How many hours have I put into my work, my life. How far I’ve gotten even though it feels like I’ve gone nowhere. 

“ _Stop it!_ ” 

I say much louder than I wanted. She jumps. I pull my knees to my chest. “I know I’ve had to work hard, but I’m happy with where I am in my life.” I say. “Are you though? There is so much more you could do. We both know that. Yes, you made your ‘ _big goal_ ’ work, but you didn’t really have another for if or even when it came to be. Now what? I know Kiki is all about travel right now, and Morality is all about you trying to reconnect with your home. Religion and Liz want you to get back into other things too. And me. What about me?” She stops. 

“What about you? What do you want?” I look up at her. “I want. I want.” She looks so uncertain, so unsteady. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know.” She breaks and starts sobbing. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know which way is right. They all want so much from you, but I just. I don’t think. It’s just all too much. I don’t know. I don’t know.” I jump up and envelop her in a tight embrace. “I don’t know.” She cries into my shoulder. It’s an attack. I feel the sadness, and fear, and anxiety rolling off of her in waves. Onto me. I start shaking and crying too. I don’t know that what I’m doing is right. Should I be here? What do I even want out of life right now? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. Life hasn't been the best... I'm okay, but still. Sorry for the sad chapter with a sad/not ending. I'll work on it. I don't have any more saved up, so I'll be writing more and then posting.
> 
> Koma Out :)


	11. Despondent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN"T BEEN HERE!
> 
> So this one is kind of a continuation of the last chapter. It's sad. It's creepy. It's a thing.   
> Read it. Love it.  
> Yeah...

“What about you? What do you want?” I look up at her. “I want. I want.” She looks so uncertain, so unsteady. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know.” She breaks and starts sobbing. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know which way is right. They all want so much from you, but I just. I don’t think. It’s just all too much. I don’t know. I don’t know.” I jump up and envelop her in a tight embrace. 

“I don’t know.”

She cries into my shoulder. It’s an attack. I feel the sadness, and fear, and anxiety rolling off of her in waves. Onto me. I start shaking and crying too. I don’t know that what I’m doing is right. Should I be here? What do I even want out of life right now? I know that I finally got where I wanted and things are great right now, but what about the future. What if this film flops? What if I get fired? What if that creep comes back and I’m not strong enough to fight him off? This world is such a scary place. 

“But none of that will happen. It just wouldn’t make sense to.” 

Liz appears next to us and sits on the edge of the bed tense. 

“But it could!” Kiki says. “They are all dumb ideas how could they happen? She’s doing great at her job, she is saving up for a vacation, and she has a male in her life now.” Liz explains. It all makes sense. It always does when she talks. “But nothing is certain. What if she gets hurt? What if Charlie doesn’t actually like her?” Anxiety says still sobbing into my shoulder. All this yelling has my heart rate through the roof. “Guys. Stop. Please.” I whisper not having the air the speak. 

They don’t. My logic and fear are battling and it won’t stop. “Exactly.” A strangely familiar, yet terrifying voice says. “ Acrimonious.” I gasp. Looking up at the disheveled figure before me. 

“Not this time. I’m Despondent.” She introduces herself and then makes her move. She slowly raises a oily hand and slim tendrils creep towards me. I want to scream and run, but I’m held in place. Liz, Kiki and Anxiety haven’t even noticed. They are so caught up in their own fight. I’m fighting myself. My head and my dreams and my fears are all so contradicted. I’m so afraid of the world. The first of the tendrils touches me and it’s ice cold. A shiver runs up my spine. The tendrils are also starting to enwrap my sides. They still don’t notice. If anything they are being covered more the more they argue. I’m starting to feel more and more hopeless about my future. Far far future, but also tomorrow. What am I going to do. All my goals are so unrealistic. It’s not going to work out. My entire lower half has been covered now and I’m freezing. “HEY!” Morality pops up. “What are you doing? What the heck! You’re hurting us! You’re hurting yourself!” She shoves the other sides apart and the comes over and shakes me. “You know that all of what they are saying can happen, but you know that you have people here for you no matter what happens. You have us. You have friends. You have a crazy passion for your work and it shows.” 

She is trying to give me a boost. “Please. I can only take you so far. You have to help us help you.” She’s pleading with me. She. Cares. They others stop fighting and look at themselves. Instant fear takes hold when they see they are almost covered in this thick black tar. “I. I know. I know that I have people who care for me.” I start. My other sides look at me. “I know that life does get hard and can be scary, but that’s no reason to live in fear.” Liz starts to tear away the gunk. “I know that I have the ability to succeed.” Kiki starts pulling off tar as well. “I know that my future is unclear now, but that’s okay. It’s okay to not know what’s next.” I standing up at this point and grab Anxiety’s hand. “I might not know what I want from life yet. But I know that once I figure it out that it will be accomplished.” 

I turn and wave a hand at Despondent. She just shrugs and slowly all the oily blackness goes back to her as she sinks through the floor and vanishes. “Oh. My. God.” Kiki starts. “We almost died.” Anxiety says. “I can’t believe we were the cause of another break. I’m so sorry Robin. We never meant for that.” Lix starts apologizing. They come over and hug me. “It’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sure. I wasn't in the best place when I was writing. I've gotten a lot better in recent time. I will try to continue and might be adding some side plot ideas I've had. Keep an eye out
> 
> P.S. Next title: Hey there Delilah
> 
> Koma out :)


	12. Despondent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE!
> 
> So this one is kind of a continuation of the last chapter. It's sad. It's creepy. It's a thing.  
> Read it. Love it.  
> Yeah...  
> Usual warnings of trigger stuff anxiety and all that.

“What about you? What do you want?” I look up at her. “I want. I want.” She looks so uncertain, so unsteady. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know.” She breaks and starts sobbing. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know which way is right. They all want so much from you, but I just. I don’t think. It’s just all too much. I don’t know. I don’t know.” I jump up and envelop her in a tight embrace. 

“I don’t know.”

She cries into my shoulder. It’s an attack. I feel the sadness, and fear, and anxiety rolling off of her in waves. Onto me. I start shaking and crying too. I don’t know that what I’m doing is right. Should I be here? What do I even want out of life right now? I know that I finally got where I wanted and things are great right now, but what about the future. What if this film flops? What if I get fired? What if that creep comes back and I’m not strong enough to fight him off? This world is such a scary place. 

“But none of that will happen. It just wouldn’t make sense to.” 

Liz appears next to us and sits on the edge of the bed tense. 

“But it could!” Kiki says. “They are all dumb ideas how could they happen? She’s doing great at her job, she is saving up for a vacation, and she has a male in her life now.” Liz explains. It all makes sense. It always does when she talks. “But nothing is certain. What if she gets hurt? What if Charlie doesn’t actually like her?” Anxiety says still sobbing into my shoulder. All this yelling has my heart rate through the roof. “Guys. Stop. Please.” I whisper not having the air the speak. 

They don’t. My logic and fear are battling and it won’t stop. “Exactly.” A strangely familiar, yet terrifying voice says. “ Acrimonious.” I gasp. Looking up at the disheveled figure before me. 

“Not this time. I’m Despondent.” She introduces herself and then makes her move. She slowly raises a oily hand and slim tendrils creep towards me. I want to scream and run, but I’m held in place. Liz, Kiki and Anxiety haven’t even noticed. They are so caught up in their own fight. I’m fighting myself. My head and my dreams and my fears are all so contradicted. I’m so afraid of the world. The first of the tendrils touches me and it’s ice cold. A shiver runs up my spine. The tendrils are also starting to enwrap my sides. They still don’t notice. If anything they are being covered more the more they argue. I’m starting to feel more and more hopeless about my future. Far far future, but also tomorrow. What am I going to do. All my goals are so unrealistic. It’s not going to work out. My entire lower half has been covered now and I’m freezing. “HEY!” Morality pops up. “What are you doing? What the heck! You’re hurting us! You’re hurting yourself!” She shoves the other sides apart and the comes over and shakes me. “You know that all of what they are saying can happen, but you know that you have people here for you no matter what happens. You have us. You have friends. You have a crazy passion for your work and it shows.” 

She is trying to give me a boost. “Please. I can only take you so far. You have to help us help you.” She’s pleading with me. She. Cares. They others stop fighting and look at themselves. Instant fear takes hold when they see they are almost covered in this thick black tar. “I. I know. I know that I have people who care for me.” I start. My other sides look at me. “I know that life does get hard and can be scary, but that’s no reason to live in fear.” Liz starts to tear away the gunk. “I know that I have the ability to succeed.” Kiki starts pulling off tar as well. “I know that my future is unclear now, but that’s okay. It’s okay to not know what’s next.” I standing up at this point and grab Anxiety’s hand. “I might not know what I want from life yet. But I know that once I figure it out that it will be accomplished.” 

I turn and wave a hand at Despondent. She just shrugs and slowly all the oily blackness goes back to her as she sinks through the floor and vanishes. “Oh. My. God.” Kiki starts. “We almost died.” Anxiety says. “I can’t believe we were the cause of another break. I’m so sorry Robin. We never meant for that.” Lix starts apologizing. They come over and hug me. “It’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sure. I wasn't in the best place when I was writing. I've gotten a lot better in recent time. I will try to continue and might be adding some side plot ideas I've had. Keep an eye out
> 
> Koma out :)

**Author's Note:**

> So yea. I had some hard things in my past. It's fine. I'm good. I will add more to this as it goes. Not sure on a lot of stuff so just deal with me.  
> Koma Out!


End file.
